The beautiful park of Melbourne, the absurdity of Monaco and the crazy passion of Sao Paulo… the F1 Grands Prix ranked

• e-mail

Chatting over a Caipirinha or two at the weekend, I startled the table by suggesting that Brazil comes in my top three of race venues. 'With all the traffic? With the threat of gunshots? When there are so many other sparkling, swankier, sunnier ports of call?'

It made me think. Food critics are asked what's the best restaurant in, say, London.

For Formula One hacks, it is either, what's Lewis Hamilton really like, or which is your favourite grand prix on the calendar?

Sportsmail gives a verdict on the best and the worst race weekends on the current calendar

I have spent more than half my professional life answering the first question, on Lewis, so now I am tackling the second. In comprising my list, the evaluation is the very opposite of scientific. 

Sometimes the track is important; other times it is all about the city, or the hotel, or the food, and nothing at all to do with the racing. It might be about memories. Or impressions. More than anything, it is subjective and arbitrary, and no apologies for that.

Favourite: Melbourne 

The greatest city in the world to watch sport. 

London might quibble, with all its great stadiums and those full Olympic arenas for morning tiddlywinks heats, and London devotees have a strong argument. But I live there so to me London cannot be an exotic location. 

In contrast Melbourne, with its sun, its beaches, its far-off unobtainability conjures in my mind an age-old mythology of English sports writers, who first travelled that way on boats, operating at their most exciting destination. 

The race – the first of the year, with the coming season pregnant with unknown drama – is situated in a beautiful city park where the grass is always a lush green.

Melbourne is the greatest city in the world to watch sport and is a brilliant season opener

Second: Monaco

Absurd and gaudy. 

But if I only ever went to one race in my life, I would choose Monaco and enjoy it with a pilgrim's awe. It is one of the great venues in all sport. 

And to see the cars so close on those narrow streets in qualifying – or to hear the proper engines of old roar through the tunnel – is a privilege beyond price.

Joint third: Singapore

The best of the new tracks. A necklace of lights. And doesn't sport at night possess an extra magic?

Of the various new tracks that have been added in recent seasons, Singapore is the best

Sao Paulo 

Passion and chaos abound. 

And it is home to some unforgettable moments (which some of those aghast on my table were not fortune enough, or old enough, to have witnessed live): Michael Schumacher's last proper race, Lewis Hamilton losing the championship in 2007 and winning it on the final bend in 2008, Jenson Button taking his title in 2009. 

The parties, the hangovers – including Hamilton's when he excused himself in his room on the 14th floor of the Morumbi Hilton as we interviewed him after he missed out to Kimi Raikkonen in his debut season. 

A bottle of Champagne stood unopened in ice that had melted.

The second string, in no particular order

Silverstone: Our race, tradition, shame about The Wing.

Monza: Ferrari fever, tradition again.

Austin: Fun town, decent track, expensive hotels.

Bahrain: Sunny, well-proportioned paddock, smoothly run.

Belgium: Track of legend, real enthusiasts attend. My excellent hotel offers a warm welcome.

Montreal: Pleasant city, often a dramatic race.

Barcelona: Hotel with a super restaurant in Granollers, close to the track.

The Italian Grand Priz at Monza sees Ferrari fever sweep the sport and is steeped in tradition

The third string

Baku: Good track. Hotels right next to the circuit.

Budapest: Interesting city, if you like that sort of thing.

Sochi: Dull paddock. But more bars and restaurants showing up outside. A moderately pleasant beach area.

Mexico City: Roads in and out chaotic. Good atmosphere at the circuit.

Abu Dhabi: Appalling track. Decadent. Harbour and drinks.

Le Castellet: Congested roads. Decent hotels hard to find.

Hockenheim: Nice digs in Speyer.

While Sochi has a dull paddock, there are an array of bars and restaurants showing up outside

Second least favourite

Suzuka: Endless journey via Tokyo. Stay in Suzuka or thereabouts and the hotels are terrible: rooms built for the smallest of the Japanese. 

Or stay in Nagoya and travel in to the track by train – yawn. Enthusiastic fans. Super track.

Least favourite

Shanghai: Fine city. Travelling to the track by train a bore. Paddock way too big for purpose – no intimacy.

But I like them all. Pulling open the curtains on a Melbourne morning overlooking St Kilda beach and picking up a ticket someone else has paid for hardly counts as work, I know. 

Getting to the track by train is arduous and the paddock is too big for what is actually required